""You will always feel that way about him. It
will never go away. For you, it will
burn like never-ending fire, and for him it'll
burn him like quicksilver would. It will alway
be fossil fuel. But when you get strong enough,
you will walk way to avoid a disaster. That
doesn't mean you'll stop smoldering, it just
means that when you're not in the vicinity of
the blaze, you won't go up in flames. Distance,
darlin'. Time and distance. But don't drop a
match near it -- ever. No matter how much time
has passed. Ask me how I know."" - Marlene to Damali, The Hunted by L.A. Banks
Sarah's Dream Diary
Supermodel!
Sunday, August 19, 2007 18:33:59
In my dream I was 19 years old. My mom took me to a store that was having some sort of fashion show. They got me all dressed up in this pink outfit I would NEVER wear and gave me these super high shoes. I remember a lot of lace. I practiced walking down the runway and everything. I was going to have to walk with two other girls and pose my ass off. I was shorter and a bit chunkier than the other girls so I was going to have to work extra hard.
BTW, I love it how in dreams you don't actually have to weigh as much as you do in real life. Bonus!
The next day we came back for the actual show, they couldn't find my outfit. So I had to pick another one. I ended up in this white dress with a hankerchief hemline, halter tie at the top with rouching all over it. Actually, very pretty. They gave me a bolero jacket in black with some trip that looked like tropical flower prints (the inside looked like this as well). The shoes I got matched the dress and had clear heels.
They told me that I got to choose the song I was going to walk to. In my frenzy of finding clothing to wear I decided to choose "Unbelievable" by EMF. This would have been great if my mother hadn't decided to pull me from the show for reasons I didn't fully understand. I think perhaps she was worried about me being made fun of because I was shorter and chunkier than all the other models. Awake, I totally didn't understand this because my mom would have completely supported me and been in the front row as my cheering section. However, in the dream I was so angry with her... furious. I was even mad at her when I finally woke up.
Anyway, I couldn't stand my mother's actions so I went up to the woman who was coordinating the show and politely told her that I was sorry I couldn't walk in her show. She didn't really care that much (I was by far NOT her best model) but asked me if I had a reason and I said, "well, truthfully, I would love to be in your show. My mother has decided to pull me. I do not agree with her actions and I wanted to let you know that I would have been honored to walk for you. Thank you for the opportunity."
Guess it's my subconscious telling me that I have self-esteem issues about my overweight and short self. Big surprise there...
