Sarah's Dream Diary
You're Wonderful, I'm Sorry, I needed you to know
Monday, April 9, 2007 00:17:47
It's been 8 years since we broke up and I still can't get rid of the nightmares. Litterally night mares because I wake up without the resolution I need or a feeling that I've accomplished anything, that I have things that still need to be said, that I'm sure HE already knows but I've never gotten a chance to say.
Last night I dreamed (taking out all of the extraneous "plot" since the setting was on a Battlestar I don't think it's too relevent) but we were both on the ship (me trying to do some work around the ship, him hanging out on a white couch with a few people). I finally got up the guts to go talk to him and say everthing that I wanted to say (which mostly is that inspite of everything that happened with us he's still the best person I've ever met, made a real difference in my life, and the measuring stick to whom all others have to aspire, that I regret letting him go and if I had to do it all over again there's no way in hell I'd take him for granted and that the worst thing that could happen to me in my life is that I die without ever getting a chance to tell him that, etc. etc.) and he says "I'm in a good place now, I'm comfortable with where I am. I'm having a good day so please don't ruin it." It was such a horrible dream.
I love my husband. Don't get me wrong. But somehow this has been open for years and my subconscious isn't letting it go away. Ever. I'm sorry, honey. I love you.
